Manuel Kishketon


“What is man, that thou shouldest magnify him? and that thou shouldest set thine heart upon him? And that thou shouldest visit him every morning and try him every moment?” Job 7:17-18

When Job asks this question he has just been insulted by a friend that has come to comfort him and he is about to be insulted by another friend that will call him a hypocrite. Job of course seems to be confused and not quite sure why he is in the situation that he is in but, he definitely has a rebuttal for not only these two but a third friend that will attack his faith very soon.  Depression is something that has been very real to me for years now. There have been times when I just wanted to throw my hands in the air, and shout, “I give up!”; and then just lay down and die. When I was young I never quite understood why I was so melancholy or why I always felt like everything seemed to be closing in on me. In my confusion I self medicated so that I would not to have to deal with the intensity of what was going on inside of me. It took me years to finally figure out what my struggle was and why I could never manage to get rid of the dark clouds that seemed to continually surround me. Since then I have discovered that I am truly prone to intense emotions.  More often than not the intensity of those emotions have made me to feel as though I were a complete failure even in the times of my greatest successes. I have come to understand my need for affirmation from other people, especially from females and now I am learning to cope and to live a relatively normal life. I sometimes think that God truly has an awesome sense of humor. I don’t mean that in a blasphemous way and would never do or say anything to intentionally slander, degrade or insult my beloved Lord but, I am amazed that he would put someone so intent on affirmation in a line of work where the ultimate objective is to point all attention to the Father and bring glory to his name only. Scripture tells me that if I am to find life in Christ then I must be willing to die to myself for the purpose of serving the Lord and his gospel ministry. (Mark 8:34-38) This for me has truly been a challenge. There is a chance that this is the very reason I have managed to sit behind the scenes so well and willingly serve God in relative obscurity. My situation has made very aware of my need to step out of the lime light and grab the affirmation that I so yearn to have. I once preached a sermon that included a testimony on depression. After that sermon was over a few of the men in the congregation where I was preaching told me that they did not believe that a man of God could ever experience the depression that I had described. My immediate thought was that these men have never read the third chapter of Job. Job describes the intensity of his feelings as he wishes that he had died from birth and questions as to why one that had experienced such tragedy would have been allowed to live in the first place. Scripture accounts for many individuals that have struggled with their situations and have doubted when they should have had faith. To paraphrase a question that Job asks of God. “What is man that you have set your affections on him and have given him so much attention?” There have been many times that I have asked the Lord that same question, “Who am I that you are so concerned with me and why do you love me the way that you do?” I am not sure that I have ever gotten the answer that I was looking for. How can the Father love me so much considering the many times that I have failed him? What I do know is that God does love me. I know that he has taught me to question every thought and every emotion that I have no matter what the intensity may be so that I might overcome my fears. He has never left my side and taught me to achieve victory in place of defeat. Though my feeble mind may not be willing to accept success he has been there to lavish it upon me time and time again. I wish I were one of those super Christians that have everything under control but I am not. I am me, a man. No more, no less. I am someone that though unworthy, the Father has showered his love upon and I believe that the greatest thing of all of this is that the Lord God is no respecter of persons. He loves each and every one of us with a love that is beyond our ability to understand. When I came to him he didn’t send me home to clean up first, he simply loved me into the person I am today. Don’t get me wrong, he has a lot of work left to do and we have a long road to walk. But I am certain that no matter where that road takes me, he will be by my side. Who is man? Who am I? Who are you? I am not sure but, what I do know is that God loves you and he stepped out of eternity and into time to prove it. He has met you at the cross and now all you need to do is come the rest of the way. He is waiting and he cares, just for you. Don’t turn him away. 

Manuel L. Kishketon, Sr
PO Box 63
Cromwell, OK 74837
405-203 8431

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